Did You Forget Something?

My family was notorious for forgetting things- large and small.  I remember well the morning my
father was late for work.  Normally, he left for work ten minutes to eight-just enough time to make it to the office by eight o'clock.  His morning ritual included x-amount of time for breakfast, so much time for a shower and a shave, the necessary time to brush his teeth, floss and comb is beautiful white hair.  He was  never late.  In fact, he was a fanatic about it and would get more than a little irritated with me when I was chronically fifteen to thirty minutes late.

But one sunny morning in mid-spring, he didn't appear for breakfast until almost nine o'clock.  We were all shocked, my father included.  He said his alarm clock didn't go off.  When he finally woke up, he went to look for it but couldn't find the darn thing.  As he was explaining his predicament, I reached in the refrigerator for some orange juice and pulled out the alarm clock.  At which point, I asked my father, "Is this what you were looking for?"

My brother Jimmy holds the record for losing the largest item possible.  I will never forget the morning my brother told the family that his brand new automobile had been stolen.  He was ready to alert the local police, when my father reminded Jimmy he had left his vehicle at work and had ridden home with him.  My brother was famous for losing things but losing his car was one for the record books.

Of course, I can't leave myself out.  On numerous occasions I have panicked when I couldn't locate the cell phone I was talking on at the time; or furiously searched for glasses already on my head.  And last but not least have you ever gone from one room to another looking for something and forgot what you were looking for, by the time you arrived in the room in question?  I have.

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Did You Forget Something

My family was notorious for forgetting things - large and small.  I remember well the morning my father was late for work.  Normally, he left for work ten minutes to eight - just enough time to make it to the office by eight o'clock.  His morning ritual included x-amount of time

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa:

I've been a very good dog. I haven't bitten anyone or peed on any furniture. I haven't chewed on anything other than my stuffed toys. I admit I've chased a few cats, barked at the neighbors and pooped on Aunt Denise's floor while visiting her. Other than that - I've been fur-fect.

I don't want much, just a few chew toys, doggie bones and gourmet dog cookies. FYI- please forward my demands to my Mama. No more overnights at Doggie Wash. I prefer sleeping in my own bed. Mama thinks it’s her bed but I just let her share mine, as long as she doesn't take up too much room. No more Dancing With the Dogs. I'm sick and tired of being twirled and dipped. It makes me dizzy. Doesn't she realize she's a senior citizen? Dancing is for twenty-somethings and young pups. No more screaming at me to potty when I'm simply taking in the scents, enjoying my backyard. So what if its twenty-eight degrees and the wind is blowing.

Santa - tell Mama no more allergy shots and my vet needs to quit shoving pills down my throat. It just isn't dignified for a mature man of six. And, Santa, I wouldn't be adverse to having a cute little Dachshund to play with, as long as she understands that I'm the alpha dog and number one in Mama's heart.

And while you’re at it, Santa - tell Mama to get off her hiney and take me for longer and more frequent walks. I understand exercise is good for senior citizens.

That's it for now.

Doggie kisses and furry love. Humphrey B.