Monday, December 16, 2013

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa:
I've been a very good dog. I haven't bitten anyone or peed on any furniture. I haven't chewed on anything other than my stuffed toys. I admit I've chased a few cats, barked at the neighbors and pooped on Aunt Denise's floor while visiting her. Other than that - I've been fur-fect.
I don't want much, just a few chew toys, doggie bones and gourmet dog cookies. FYI- please forward my demands to my Mama. No more overnights at Doggie Wash. I prefer sleeping in my own bed. Mama thinks it’s her bed but I just let her share mine, as long as she doesn't take up too much room. No more Dancing With the Dogs. I'm sick and tired of being twirled and dipped. It makes me dizzy. Doesn't she realize she's a senior citizen? Dancing is for twenty-somethings and young pups. No more screaming at me to potty when I'm simply taking in the scents, enjoying my backyard. So what if its twenty-eight degrees and the wind is blowing.
Santa - tell Mama no more allergy shots and my vet needs to quit shoving pills down my throat. It just isn't dignified for a mature man of six. And, Santa, I wouldn't be adverse to having a cute little Dachshund to play with, as long as she understands that I'm the alpha dog and number one in Mama's heart.
And while you’re at it, Santa - tell Mama to get off her hiney and take me for longer and more frequent walks. I understand exercise is good for senior citizens.
That's it for now.
Doggie kisses and furry love. Humphrey B.

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